If you didn’t know, I loved The Raid 2 (review HERE), so obviously I would love a computer game of it (even though computer games are for nerds). So if you want to play it, head on over here: theraidarcade.com and give it a go.
It seems if you play as Hammer girl it’s the easiest computer game in the history of anything. Although maybe I’m just really good at fucking everything.
The Raid is one of my favourite films in the fucking world, EVER. It’s better than any film you’ve ever made, buster, isn’t it? Your movies are shit. The Raid is not. It’s a stripped-down, straight-to-the-point action /martial arts flick and it blows my nipples through the sodding roof every time I watch it. So needless to say, I was excited about The Raid 2 – the trailer attacked my bum and threw it into the stratosphere, and a hench clip I saw at Frightfest peeled back my foreskin and pinged it back with such force that a window smashed. I was LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, essentially.
And now I’ve seen it. So was it worth the wait?
OF COURSE IT WAS YOU ABSOLUTE PILLOCK.
The Raid 2 was utterly amazing. I don’t know what Gareth Evans is drinking, but I want some of it (Special Brew just isn’t doing it for me at the moment) – he’s a genius. This movie takes the small-scale approach of the first one and spreads it wider than that rude thing I did at the weekend, it’s – although I hate the word – epic. It’s a sprawling, complex crime thriller that just happens to be interspersed with the best fucking fight scenes you’re ever likely to see (until the Raid 3: Your Dick Will Fall Off, presumably).
Seeing as FRONT Magazine has unfortunately closed its doors (RIP), I figured it OK to post some of my work that graced its hallowed pages. First up, I thought I’d stick up my ‘A to Z Of Hard Action Bastard Cinema’. Have a read below – I THINK YOU’LL FIND IT MOST AMUSING.
Click the pictures to enlarge. A bit like a dick. That’s how dicks work right?
Last night saw the very first I Only Watch 18s Movie Night at The Exhibit Cinema in Balham, and obviously it was a success. Thanks to everyone that came down, and anybody who didn’t – shame on you! But don’t worry, you can come to the next one.
Anyway, as an extra special treat, here’s my exclusive intro video to The Raid, for all those that missed it:
See you next month for The Thing!
Awesome video courtesy of Sam Clifford-Harding and Sam Bailey.
Read my review of The Thing here.
Forrest Gump – it won loads of awards, but some of them were Oscars, and you all know how I feel about Oscars, so basically I couldn’t give a shit. It looks like shit so I’ll never watch it. However, I would watch it if it was an 18, because it might go a little something like this:
Forrest CHUMP more like innit? Yeah, haha good one, me.