Category Archives: People I Like

People I Like no. 9: John Carpenter

Next up on People I Like is our man John Carpenter, one of the greatest horror directors ever in my opinion.  And as we all know, ‘my opinion’ is another word for ‘fucking fact’ isn’t it? So let’s go:

Assault on Precinct 13 – So obviously I saw this when it was an 18. It was brilliant. Now it is a 15. It is shit.

Halloween – One of the absolute best slashers ever made (read my original review here), Halloween has been a favourite of mine for years. It also gave me the idea for one of my favourite hobbies – painting my face white and standing by 7 ft bushes until someone sees me out of the corner of their eye, then hiding behind it when they take a proper look. Really puts the shits up people. Especially babysitters.

 

 

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People I Like no. 8: Danny Dyer

First off, we’ve got a bit of an I Only Watch 18s exclusive here, here’s a special message to all you lovely I Only Watch 18s readers:

 

 

You know it.

So yeah, I fucking like Danny Dyer, and I fucking like his films and if you don’t then you’re probably blind or a cat or something.  He’s been in some amazing 18s, and I really do mean amazing – at least one of my favourite films of all time is a Danny Dyer film.  Ok, yeah, he’s been in some shit 15s and that, but as you can see in the video above, he obviously hasn’t even seen them – guess he was just picking up the paycheck.

So, pull your tampon out, put some fucking lip-balm on and let me shag you through a journey of Danny’s 18-rated career: (more…)

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People I like no. 7: Jean-Claude Van Damme

This is going to be a long post because Van Damme (aka ‘The Muscles From Brussels’ (aka ‘The Bum From Belgium’ (aka ‘The I’m consistently in films that are amazing according to the guy that writes I Only Watch 18s’))) is so dedicated to the 18-rated cause that he’s hardly ever in anything that isn’t an 18.  That means he’s been in LOADS of 18s.  Therefore, in this worthy and insightful column I will discuss, analyse and explore the most important 18s of Jean-Claude Van Damme.

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People I Like no. 6: Lance Henriksen

Here’s another ‘might not know his name – definitely know his face’ person.  A bit like me, I’m one of those guys, well to women anyway – they don’t know my name, but when they see me THEY KNOW WHO I AM.  I’ll walk past and they’ll say, “There’s Pendulum Man – he’s so dreamy!”  They call me pendulum man because of the way that my penis acts as a gigantic pendulum as I swagger past.

Anyway, Lance Henriksen (pendulum attributes pending) is one of my favourite actors, mainly because…YOU GUESSED IT!

If you didn’t, tough. (more…)

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People I Like no. 5: Steven Seagal

If you’ve read this site before, you’ll probably be able to gather that I’m a bit of a fan of Steven Seagal.  Well ‘bit’ is a sodding understatement – I can’t get enough of him and his films.  Well, actually, that’s a lie – his new films are shit.  But we’ll get to that later.  Firstly, let’s get down to business:
Above the Law (Nico) – Seagal’s first film, and he’s already the central character, mainly because one of his aikido pupils (the Hollywood agent Michael Ovitz) decided that Seagal deserved to be in movies.

THANK YOU MICHAEL OVITZ – I AM FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT.

Above the Law concerns a tough (obviously) vice cop getting mixed up with Henry Silva’s corrupt CIA agent.  Can’t really be bothered to go into much more detail, but Steven Seagal beats up a great many people in this film and therefore it is good. (more…)

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People I Like no. 4: Brion James

Here’s a guy whose name I’ll bet ten Tazos that you don’t recognise.  If you do, it’s no skin off my back – I’ve got loads of Tazos.  But if you don’t (which you won’t) then drop and give me ten.

So, you might not recognise his name, but I bet 5 series 2 rare pogs that you’ll recognise his face:

Yes?  Unlucky, gimme your pogs.  No?  Again, not an issue – I’ve got pogs coming out of my arse. (more…)

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People I Like no. 3: Mark Dacascos

The person that I like today (well, all the time) is one of the most underrated actors of our time – Mark Dacascos.  Unfortunately, he’s probably most famous for being on Dancing With The Stars in America, but before all that rubbish he was in some absolutely amazing films, including my favourite of all time – Drive.

Now, let me take you on a journey through this fantastic actor’s catalogue of amazing 18s:

American Samurai – For some strange reason I haven’t yet seen this.  Which is weird seeing as it’s got bloody Mark Dacascos in it, but it’s also directed by Sam Firstenberg (18s like Ninja III: The Domination (seen) and American Ninja (seen)) and it stars David Bradley (18s like American Ninja 3: The Blood Hunt (seen the first half but couldn’t bring myself to finish it).  ALSO IT’S CALLED AMERICAN SAMURAI WHICH IS A VERY GOOD TITLE IN MY OPINION. (more…)

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People I Like no. 2: Brian Yuzna

Today’s person that I like is Brian Yuzna.  Who?  BRIAN YUZNA.  Who’s Brian Yuzna when he’s at home then?  Well, he’s a director who’s made a load of sweet 18s, that’s who.  I’ve liked every Brian Yuzna film that I’ve seen – and if that’s not a cast-in-gold grade-A recommendation then buggered if I know what is.

Here’s my rundown of his most important 18s:

Society – You should already know how good this film is.  If not, check here.

Bride of Re-AnimatorThis is the amazing sequel to the even-amazinger original Re-Animator (18, seen). So even though the first one is better, this one is still a piece of nice meat.  It’s about a mad scientist called Herbert West who decides that instead of watching X-Factor he’d rather try and make the perfect woman out of dead body parts.  Obviously she comes alive and things go wrong.  Which is weird, because when I made a woman out of dead body parts, she was pretty normal – bit awkward at dinner parties, but a nice enough girl. (more…)

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People I Like no. 1: Scott Adkins

It’s time for a new feature here at I Only Watch 18s – People I Like.  Basically, I’ll pick someone that I like – actor, director, producer etc – and talk about how much I like them and the 18s that they’ve been in.  There’ll be some recognisable faces along the way, but hopefully, I’ll be able to introduce some of you to people that you’ll end up stalking and/or having sex with.
This week, the person that I like is Scott Adkins.  He’s a 34 year old legend from Sutton Coldfield, who is amazing at martial arts.  And when I say amazing, I mean AMAZING.  (more…)

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