So I was on the train today, listening to really loud hip-hop with loads of swearing in it and jutting my head forwards at anyone who looked at me disapprovingly, when I noticed a Scream 4 (or Scre4m, as they’re calling it) poster outside:
Cool poster huh? Well I think so, and so I was doubly excited to find out that it was out this month. I felt a warm glow envelope my loinage, and I said in my head, “DEATH ROW IS STILL THE LABEL THAT PAYS ME I can’t wait to see Scream 4 I’M UNFAZEABLE SO PLEASE DON’T TRY TO FAZE ME.”
I thought back over the previous three Scream films and even though they decreased in quality each time, I still liked all of them. The first one was amazing, the second one was pretty mint, and the third one was good. I LIKED THEM ALL.
I was also looking forward to seeing an 18 in the cinema – haven’t seen one since Drive Angry 3D, so it was about time I had some big-screen 18-rated loving.
BASICALLY, I COULDN’T WAIT UNTIL SCREAM 4 CAME OUT.
Oh, sorry, did you say something?
Yeah, you over there in the suit.
Pardon, I can’t hear you. Who are you anyway?
It’s a what?
What are you saying? Where have you come from?
Oh, ok, I still can’t hear you though. Come closer.
Scream 4 is a what?
I can’t hear that last word you’re saying. Speak up.
Hef Lean? Kiss peen?
GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING WHORE, GET AWAY FROM ME THIS INSTANCE YOU SPITEFUL GASHY SHITCAKE.
So, yeah, that’s ruined that one.