Hunger (2009)

No, not that shitty film about not eating chips for Lent or whatever it was, but a horror film about a load of smelly people in a fucking room shouting and moaning at each other and crying and shit.  (Sounds like my bedroom whenever I bring a girl back.)

Basically, five people wake up in a dark room and they don’t know how they got there and they don’t know each other and blah blah blah I’m just going to go and get my DVD of Saw and bury it in the garden because apparently it was never made.  This kind of shit has been done so many times, in both good (Saw) and shit (Captivity) incarnations.  Even the best one (Saw) has fucked itself in the arse so many times it’s pregnant with its own shit.

I get it, round up some unknown actors and film them in one place for the whole movie – cheap as chips.  But the least you could do is not make carbon copies of each and every one that’s come before.  At least throw a fucking robot or some shit in there with them.

I’d start watching the Saw films again if they had robots.

I fucking like robots.

Put a funny caption here. DO NOT FORGET TO DO THIS.

Anyway, Hunger is nowt different from the rest of the riff-raff.  It’s got your main characters, none of whom know eachother, each with a different character trait, and each with an unknown connection,  Then you’ve got your room, complete with hidden compartments, various dangerous objects, video cameras and Papier-mâché walls.  Then you’ve got your big brother – a nutcase watching the proceedings from a safe place, slowly toying with the victims until yes…they TURN AGAINST EACH OTHER.

It’s boring.

Although at least it tries something a little different with this starvation element that’s thrown in (hence the name, which like the film, is a proper boring one.  You could have at least called it something interesting like Fuck Me, If I Don’t Get A Fucking Pepperami Down My Neck In The Next Five Seconds Someone’s Getting A Fist Up The Arse: Tokyo Drift).  And also there’s a bit of back story to the main killer, but in all honesty, it’s completely pointless and is of no worth whatsoever.  BIT LIKE CONDOMS EH LADS?

WAIT! If that's not a Pepperami, then it must be his........HOLY SHIT.

The high points of the movie are probably limited to a few fights, a sex scene, some gut eating and an ok heroine.  But the low points completely outweigh these, especially the lowest of all the points – the fact that there is a toilet in the corner but you don’t see anyone going for a poo.  I mean seriously!  I know pooing is funny, I could have told them that.  A few well placed scenes of people straining and pooing in a hole in the ground would have greatly improved the ratio of rubbish scenes to good ones.  But as usual, everyone but me is frigid.

Shit, nobody even farts.

I give Hunger 4 18s out of 10.



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