So, as you can see below, I recently watched Death Warrant and it got my bum hairs in a state of emergency. I really liked it. I was on a high. It was a prison movie. You could say I was on a ‘prison movie high’. I wanted to carry on this high. So I decided to watch another prison movie. I chose Ghosted.
FUCKING HELL THAT WAS A MISTAKE.
That high was brought down to earth quicker than my massive bollocks when I take off my boxers.
Let’s get this straight – Ghosted was very good and I enjoyed it, but my God was it depressing. I mean seriously depressing. Obviously prison isn’t fun, but I’d just seen Death Warrant, so obviously prison is fun. NAT in this case it ain’t, buddy. We’ve got stabbing, bumming, shower-rape, arson, murdered sons, beatings, more stabbings, suicide, estranged wives, solitary confinement, even more stabbing and then by the love of all that is shit-covered and packed up the arse with unbearable despair the most depressing last act you’re likely to encounter this year.
It’s mean, it’s horrible, it’s gritty, it’s brutal, it’s frightening and it’s not the kind of film you should watch after punching the sofa and kicking the cat and running around your house pretending to be Van Damme because you’ve just seen an amazing film like Death Warrant. In fact, it’s probably not worth watching if you watch movies purely for their entertainment value because in a traditional sense – IT’S NOT FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT.
Still, as a movie, it’s rather good. It’s really well acted, it’s thoroughly engrossing, and there’s a bum rape in the shower bit. The leads are all intense in their own special way, from quiet intensity, to tortured intensity, to neck tensing fuck-head intensity – they create a three-pronged lynch-pin upon which the rest of the film hangs. I’ve not seen them in anything before (at least not that I can remember – possibly because they haven’t been in anything with a flying kick in it every 5 seconds) but ‘they’re’ ‘ones’ ‘to’ ‘watch’.
So yeah, it was good and all, but by FUCK is it a downer. And not a downer in a good way, an example of which would be:
Man 1: “Oi, you see that bloke over there?” [points at me]
Man 2: “Yeah? What about him?”
Man 1: “He’s a fucking downer.”
Man 2: “What’s that mean?”
[I down a pint in under 5 seconds]
Me: “Pretty self-explanatory mate”
So if you’re still wanting to see this, just make sure you prepare yourself for a full-on torrent of arse-tightening depressing hell with a garlic and misery jus.
I’ll give it 7 18s out of 10.