So there’s a new 18 coming out called Drive – it’s got Ryan Gosling in and it’s directed by Nicolas Winding Refn (of 18s like Bronson (need) and Valhalla Rising (seen)). It looks fucking amazing:
It’s about a movie stunt driver who moonlights as a getaway driver and hammer enthusiast. I haven’t seen Ryan Gosling in anything because he’s been a bit of a pussy in the past, but it looks as if he’s finally pulled out that piece of Lego that was stuck up his bum and decided that 18-rated movies are the way to go.
To cut a long, winding story involving erections, blood, Haribo, Pepperamis, goat testicles and one almighty fart that blew a hole in my boxers, short – I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THIS.
However, all is not completely well in the world according to a hung legend like me. For the name of the above film is Drive. Drive is also the name of Drive, aka the fucking best God-damn movie you’re ever likely to let touch your private parts.
Read about why Drive is the best film in existence here.
To most people, this wouldn’t be much of a dilemma – who cares if two films have the same name? It’s happened before (can’t be bothered to go and find out an example). Well, I’ll tell you why it matters – Drive is my favourite film of all time. I talk endlessly abut this film to everyone I meet – even people I know will not be interested in it in the slightest.
Yet soon, other people will be talking about ‘Drive‘.
The other one.
So for example, I’m going to look like a right idiot when someone says,
“Oh, that film Drive looks good doesn’t it?”
Because I’m going to pull my trousers down and start shouting because I’ve found someone who thinks Drive looks good – this is something that almost never happens because nobody has heard of it. Only they won’t be talking about the old one, they’ll be talking about the new one. Also, every time someone mentions it on TV, I’m going to get needlessly excited because I’ll be ready for a never before seen feature on my favourite film of all time. And don’t even get me started on what would happen if someone says Drive is shit.
Last time that legitimately happened I didn’t speak to that person ever again. I also wiped my arse on their pillow. Now obviously, he deserved that, but if someone doesn’t like the new Drive, then they probably don’t.
STILL BE WELL FUNNY THOUGH INNIT.
So in conclusion, erm, umm, I don’t really have a conclusion. But if you do happen to speak to me regarding either Drive, please do make sure you indicate whether it’s the 1997 or the 2011 one before commencing.
BECAUSE I’VE GOT MY EYE ON YOUR FUCKING PILLOW MISTER AND YOU’RE NOT GONNA LIKE WHAT I’LL DO TO IT.