I found this trailer in my inbox the other day and fair enough, it looks shit. But then again, fair enough, it looks wicked. Check it out:
So yeah, it’s basically Zombie Strippers but with werewolves. And everyone’s a cockney. And the girls are actually fit.
Now I haven’t actually seen Zombies Strippers (weird, I know) but I know I’ll like it because when I first saw the DVD in HMV I whacked my dick on it really hard before I even had time to think. Therefore I assume I will like Strippers vs Werewolves. It’s a bit of a no-brainer really – I like strippers and I like werewolves, therefore I will like a film about strippers and werewolves. I always thought Showgirls could have benefited from some lycan action thrown in with all the tits and gash – so if this one does what it says on the tin, then Showgirls has some serious competition in my book.
Of course, it had better be an 18. If it’s anything below that perfect industry standard, then I’ll be hard-pushed to keep from punching myself in the leg really hard and stabbing my pillow with a pair of scissors whilst doing that thing where you force all the blood into your head until it goes really red and it looks like your eyes are going to pop out.
But if it’s an 18 I’ll watch the fuck out of it with bell-ends on.
Seriously, when will the rest of the film industry catch up to these guys? All they need to do is pick two things that I like, then put them in a film together and I’ll watch it. If any of you industry big-wigs are reading, here are a few suggestions to get the ball rolling:
Cheestrings vs iPods
Lager vs Vaginas
My Biceps vs Giant Flatscreen TVs
Sluts vs Slags
My Ferocious Front Kick vs Quorn Chicken-Style Fillets
Balconies vs Gigantic Breasts
Cheese and Bacon Grills vs The Word ‘Fuck’
Lance Henriksen vs Nutella
My Haircut vs Girls That Laugh at the Silly Faces I Pull
My Proud Erection vs Cats
Actually maybe not the last one but you get the drift.