Another film that I like is being remade…

This time it’s the 1986 horror movie Chopping Mall, which if you haven’t seen, you probably need to.  Mainly because of this:

That is most definitely the best bit, but I still recommend watching it because any film with killer robots and women with breasts in is worth watching.  It’s basically about a bunch of teenagers (it’s a horror film remember) who lock themselves in a state-of-the-art shopping mall overnight and have a massive party.  Only they didn’t bank on the high-tech security robots that patrol the area and have a penchant for blowing girls’ heads into mush.

YOU ALWAYS NEED TO BANK ON THE HIGH-TECH SECURITY ROBOTS THAT PATROL THE AREA AND HAVE A PENCHANT FOR BLOWING GIRLS’ HEADS INTO MUSH YOU IDIOTS! PLAYTIME IS OVER YOU PRICKS! THIS ISN’T CBBC!

For some reason though, I’ve heard that the remake is going to focus more on supernatural elements rather than sweet robots with laser eyes.  I can’t quite fathom this decision because I’m not full to the brim with yellow baby shit, but I suppose Hollywood is, so just let them get the fuck on with it.

They better keep the title though, it’s a brilliant pun – and so are the many tag-lines that have graced various versions of the front cover:

Where shopping can cost you an arm and a leg.
Chopping Mall — Where they slash their prices — and their customers!
Buy or Die
At Park Plaza Mall the security force isn’t just tight, it’s terrifying!
Shop til you drop, dead!
Half off is just the beginning!

But if they’re not allowed to use them, they can have some of mine if they want:

This shopping mall is bargain baseMENTAL!
Dare you enter the shopping MAUL?
This film will give you the WHShits!
A shopping mall that’s state-of-the-FART.
Get ready to grab your five-finger-DICKS-count!
The deadliest food court in town – MURDER King, HACKdonalds and Ken-FUCK-WEE DIED PRICK-MEN.

I’m running out of good ones now so I’ll leave it there I think.

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