Super (2010)

“Hey, you should watch Kick-Ass!”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s brilliant!”

“What’s it about?”

“It’s about a kid that wants to be a superhero but he hasn’t got any super-powers!”

“That sounds good!”

“Yeah it’s wicked! Do you want to borrow it on DVD?”

“Yeah ok!”

“I’ve got it with me, here you go!”

“Thanks!”

“That’s ok!”

“Oh.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Oh dear.”

“What are you doing with that baseball bat?”

“Come here.”

“What, why?”

“Because I want to shove this fucking thing up your arse.”

“What? Stop being silly!”

“Bend over, prick.”

[*Shoves baseball bat up prick’s arse and throws DVD under bus*]

“Why did you do that?”

“YOU FUCKING WILL BE. I’LL BE IN MY TRAILER.”

If this happened to you when Kick-Ass came out, then I feel for you (I think I love you). But don’t worry, I’ve got some compensation – Super.  It’s a film a little bit like Kick-Ass, only it’s an 18 and therefore infinitely better.  It’s about this funny bloke called Frank who is left on his own after his wife leaves him for a smarmy drug-dealer played by Kevin Bacon (of “Ouch, what’s this poker doing in my neck on Friday the 13th?” fame).  After a visit from God, Frank decides to become a superhero, so he makes a costume and heads out onto the streets hitting criminals over the head with a wrench.

It’s really bloody funny.  In one scene, he wrenches someone just because he pushes in line at the cinema – I agreed with this scene.  People pushing in queues wobbles my buttocks like a piece of jelly balancing on a fatty’s rumble-bum. So, good on him for wrenching him in the head.

The main guy is played by Rainn Wilson, who I haven’t seen in anything before but is supposedly quite famous in the land of quinces and shitters – appearing in some kids’ show about multicoloured aliens with TVs in their stomachs and dicks on their head called The Office or something equally wet.  In Super however, he’s bloody brilliant.

He completely draws you in and it’s impossible for you to tear your eyes away from his ferocious performance – he somehow manages to be hilarious, endearing, intense, unsettling and downright terrifying all at the same time.  A bit like me during sex.

He’s backed up by Ellen Page, who was in some PSA bollocks about the dangers of not using condoms (I assume it’s called Crock of Shit or summat) and some dry-retching hunk of vile discharge about a bunch of prints who dress up in latex and can shoot fire out of their tits and go invisible and other implausible snatch-wipe bollocks, both of which I haven’t seen.  But I did see her in Hard Candy, which was brilliant.  In Super, she plays an absolutely insane nutcase who loves killing people and screaming.  She is also brilliant.

In a nutshell, as opposed to a nutsheaven (i.e one of those fish-pedicure-tanks – you might get kicked out of the spa though, I did), these two weirdos go off on a quest to stop crime and to find Kevin Bacon’s tosser drug-dealer and get Frank’s wife back.  With wrenches and guns and cars and shit.  Oh and sharp blade things that fire out of their wrists.  No stringy-jizz wrist wanking Spiderman buggeration going on here lads.

Overall, Super is SUPER.  I laughed my little gooch all the way off – it’s bonkers.

8 18s out of 10.

 

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