I’ve said this many times before – I LOVE REVENGE FILMS. I’ve never seen a revenge film that I haven’t liked and I doubt I ever will. Someone getting fucked over by some fucks then fucking over whichever fucks fucked them over, is fucking brilliant. It also helps that many, many revenge films are 18s – this is because it is against the law to nut about with a hatchet dashing people across the face with it just because they called you a prick that one time. You know, they don’t want the kids copying that kind of shit.
So, to Rolling Thunder – it was an 18 and it was a revenge film so I knew I’d like it. It was made in the ’70s, which is cutting it a bit close to the bone, but I didn’t mind. What I mean by this is that everyone agrees that the ’70s was when films started getting good. I can state with a steadfast and entirely valid reasoning, that pretty much any film made before the ’70s is an udder full of cocks and bollocks. There are exceptions of course (Russ Meyer for example), but in the general majority of cases, movies made in the ’60s and before, can suck my stonking tonk bonk-on and fuck off. But luckily, this was made in 1977 so it’s ok.
Rolling Thunder is about this hardcase called Major Charles Rane (better than your name) who comes back from the war, after being tortured at a POW camp, and finds that his wife has been sleeping with someone else. It’s not a good day. But soon it gets a bit better because he’s given a big bloody box of silver dollars and a sweet red whip by the town, who celebrate him as a true hero. So basically, he gets to cruising about town giving lifts to this mint broad with pointy nipples AND YES SHE DOES WANT YOU TO LOOK AT HER TITS BECAUSE SHE ISN’T WEARING A BRA SO STOP SAYING ‘EYES UP HERE’ AND COMPLAINING TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT HOW SHALLOW I AM BECAUSE I’M DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO. I AM SHALLOW YES, BUT…YOU…YEAH…STOP LOOKING AT MY DICK.
So fuck his wife, he’s got this naughty little war groupie who wants to rinse his nads off, therefore he’s slightly more happy now. But then some absolute dipsticks break into his house and start torturing him because they want the silver dollars. Then they kill his wife and kid and fuck off with the money. Oh yeah and they also stick his hand in the garbage disposal unit. OH AND he was wearing his Mickey Mouse underpants so when the ambulance men get there they all see them and laugh behind his back. So he’s really bloody wound up.
But don’t worry guys, Major Charles Rane is a stone-cold thunderous bad-ass who will not take an ounce of shit from anyone without there being consequences. And lucky for him, the doctors have fitted a massive hook where his hand used to be – this’ll come in handy when he needs to stab Mexican men through the hand with it.
So he leaves the hospital, picks up the girl with the mega-sticky-outy-70s-tits and they go off to Mexico to merk the pricks that nicked his scratch and killed his family. Shit hits the hook big time and even a young Tommy Lee Jones gets involved – he’s Rane’s old army buddy, and they team up for a climactic showdown of arsehole-guttering proportions. IT’S MINT.
I love this this kind of shit (see first paragraph), and Rolling Thunder is a prime cut of the highest quality. Because it was made in the ’70s, it was part of that ‘don’t give a fuck’ mentality that permeated throughout a lot of the films made in that decade, and it doesn’t pull any punches. They go like sodding stink, sparking pricks left, right and centre – with guns, hooks, fists, and in one scene that only occurred in my head, a pneumatic drill attached to his penis.
William Devane brings the rain as Rane, and he’s insane – absolutely brilliant in his role, I completely bought his character 100%. I was about to say I hadn’t seen him in anything before, but then I checked imdb and saw that he was in Hollow Man and Marathon Man, both of which I have seen. I’d like to watch them again though, because he’s already one of my favourite actors and I can only remember seeing him in one film. Tommy Lee Jones is top-class too, in a very early role and rare 18 – what a shame, his career started with such promise.
Rolling Thunder had everything I want in a revenge film, mainly:
- No bras
I highly recommend it for fans of revenge films, but also for fans of not being a cunt.
I give it 8 18s out of 10.