It’s been a month since Frightfest and I still haven’t finished my round-ups. What can I say? I’m so fucking on the pulse it’s positively erectile. I Only Watch 18s – where you get the BEST movie news FIRST.
Anyway, I’m bored of writing about Frightfest now so let’s get on with this shit.
Oh p.s still couldn’t get a shit out in the morning.
So the first film was The Thompsons which is a sequel to The Hamiltons which I have not seen because now and again I like to judge a DVD by the little pictures on the back (or the COVER) and I thought it looked shit so I think I picked up something like The Slumber Party Massacre or some Playboy special or some shit instead. Both have tits in them and I think I was in the mood for tits. Like most of the time then.
Anyway, to save myself from thinking too hard, I shall copy and paste the tweet that I twat straight after seeing the film (also it might persuade some of you to follow me – trust me, I’M FUCKING HILARIOUS)
So yeah, it wasn’t great. There were a couple of sweet kills yo, but apart from that, it was pretty clichéd and probably a lot what I assume Twilight is like. Which is obviously a bad thing. I’d rather shave my hairy bell-end than watch Twilight.
After The Thompsons it was the shitting quiz and the shorts. I’m not a gigantic square so I didn’t bother staying to take part – also I would definitely have won and I wanted to give the other losers a chance.
I ALSO SKIPPED THE SHORT FILMS TOO FOR NO REAL REASON.
The next film was Sleep Tight which I did nooooooooooooooooooooooooo watch because I am a grown up. In fact, I’ve just realised that this and the next two films were all 15s (Berberian Sound Studio and Sinister) so I shall be glossing over this part of the day fuck you very shit. Instead I shall go and have a quick tug on my reed, which is coincidentally what I did during these films at the festival. Although it’s not really that much of a coincidence – I reckon if I pick two random moments in my life, chances are that I’ll have either just had a wank, be wanking, getting wanked off, wanking my dick with a vagina, or about to have a wank.
You may call me a wanker, but you are right.
Luckily the last film was a juicy 18 – Dead Sushi. Gotta admit, I thought this would suck shit ice-lollies, but it turned out to be really funny. I enjoyed it in a silly way (like sex). There were also tits and many geysers of blood. You don’t need to know much more about it – if you think you might find a film about killer sushi funny then I’d bet you’ll like this.
Also, lets hang out some time.
As long as I’m not wanking that is.
So that was Day 4. Pretty shit day actually. ‘Shit’ being the operative word because guess what I only gone and done when I got back? A big old stinky poopy plops. Finally.
I was free.