So two new trailers have been released recently. They are both for ‘re-imaginings’ of classic horror films. Here they are:


If you’re an idiot, then you won’t have realised those trailers were for the new versions of The Evil Dead and Carrie.

Now, I’ve got no issues with remakes, if they’re 18s then I’ll fucking watch them love. But at least admit they’re just fucking remakes – they’re made to make money. Don’t fanny about calling them ‘re-imaginings’ unless you are actually going to re-imagine them. Fuck, look what you’re doing to me – you just made me use the term ‘re-imagine’ in a sentence that wasn’t a quote or a screaming torrent of abuse.

Film Executive: Hey, I don’t have enough cunting cars. Let’s remake Dawn of The Evil Dead or whatever the fuck that shit was called. What about that motherfucking Stephen Koontz film that they did that time, where that freaky-ass kid comes out of the lake at the end – Carrie? Yeah people sucked that movie’s dick didn’t they? Yeah let’s party. OH GOD MY PULSING DICK LOOKS SO GOOD IN THIS MIRROR.

Screenwriters: Yes we will do this for you.

Film Executive: Great great GREAT. But you lazy fuckers better make sure you tell everyone that we’re ‘re-imagining’ them though, because all those fat jerkoff film bloggers hate the word ‘remake’. However, WHATEVER YOU DO you must include that bit with all the fire and the blood in Carrie and also all the main parts of Return of Evil Zombies that everyone will recognise. Basically no new ideas. If you include new ideas you will piss off the fat-as-shit movie blogger fuckwads. SHEESH THIS OLIVE OIL IS REALLY MAKING MY DICK GLISTEN IN THE SUN. OH I LOVE MYSELF.

Screenwriters: You have just massively contradicted yourself but OK.

I hate people that contradict themselves. Anyway, I hate re-imaginings but I like re-imaginings. I like remakes. I hate remakes.




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