VENDETTA (2013)

vendetta-newIn case you’re one of those weird things that sticks onto rocks in the sea and does fuck-all with your life, then you’ll know that I right like Danny Dyer. Fair enough, he’s been in some SHEEET, but he acknowledges this fact, which is something a lot of actors refuse to do – it’s nice to see a bit of honesty. He’s not trying to fool anyone – he does what he does and I’m happy with that. It helps that a lot of what he does is fucking good too, which is nice.

So to Vendetta – his new flick – is that one of the shit ones or one of the good ones? Well, it’s one of the fucking good ones you pillock. One of the main reasons for this is that it’s a revenge film – I will give four tonne to any smart-arse that can show me a revenge film that I won’t like (providing it’s an 18 of course). Good fucking luck – you won’t be able to do it. Revenge films are the best, because revenge is such a potent emotion – the feeling you get when drop a flaming cat shit down next-door’s chimney because their fucking muggy moggy turded on your sweet flower bed for the fifith time this week, is breathtaking. I love it.

So in Vendetta, we’ve got Danny Dyer, a special ops bloke who finds out his parents have been killed by a bunch of wankers, so instead of letting the bumbling police department do sweet F.A, decides to stop smiling and goes off on a little jaunt to merk them up big towns. So yeah, it’s like every other revenge film ever made, but as I screamed through a loo-roll earlier – that’s a good thing.

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Danny Dyer is very good in this – he’s not playing his usual cockney wide-boy, he’s gone for something a little bit different here (although he’s obvo still got his cockney accent you mug), and he’s playing it straight down the line, running the gamut of almost every emotion you can think of (apart from maybe the particularly special feeling you get when you fart in the bath – there aren’t any scenes like that here unfortunately…). He’s a good actor (as I’ve always said), and he handles it perfectly here.

Everyone else is good in it too, including Roxanne Mckee – from some CBeebies programme called Brollysoaks or something – who plays his girlfriend, and all of the bad guys too – they’re proper cockstains and you can’t wait until Dyer sparks them out innit. Good shit.

If there’s anything wrong with Vendetta, I guess it’s that it takes itself a little too seriously – this is cemented in the silly epilogue that happens right at the end after the credits (didn’t need that bit). This isn’t a big problem though – this was a right old good time at the bean flicks. Hopefully it’s a return to form from Dyer, and will lead to some better offerings from him. BASICALLY WHAT I’M SAYING IS I WOULD QUITE LIKE TO FUCKING SEE THE BUSINESS 2 PLEASE. I’LL POP BARE SHITS OUT OF MY BOTTY IF THAT EVER HAPPENS.

This also extends to anyone that’s planning on making any more revenge films – we can do with more of them thanks. I’m almost finished on my one: If That Cat Shits On My Chrysanthemus Again I’m Going To Do An Actual Shit Down Their Chimney 2: Electric POOgaloo.

Anyway, yeah, I give it 7 18s out of 10, ISN’T IT.

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Oh, and this seems as good a time as ever to repost this special message from Danny himself to the readers of I Only Watch 18s:

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2 Responses to VENDETTA (2013)

  1. Ewen says:

    I Spit On Your Grave 2 is a revenge film you don’t like. You owe me four tonne. You mug.

  2. ionlywatch18s says:

    FUCK. You’re right. Erm, lemme just sell my collection of rare Pogs and I’ll get back to you.

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