Hey everyone/you wankers, it’s time for a new feature here at I Only Watch 18s: Everything Is Better As An 18! Have you ever wondered how much better every single film would be if it was an 18? You should wonder, you fuckers, because if you don’t, you’ll never know. Or something.
To prove my point, I feel it my duty to go through the mire that is the world of non-18 flicks, and rewrite a key scene of my choosing in a style more befitting of an 18-rated movie. This will fucking PROVE that I am right about everything. Well most things anyway – I wasn’t right in thinking that eating that raw steak in the middle of the road wearing just a hi-vis jacket whilst singing Alphabeat’s Fascination the other day was a good idea. But most things I definitely am right about. Like the size of my penis – it is MASSIVE. Well most of the time – it went pretty small when the police tazered me during the whole naked steak incident the other day anyway.
So for my first one, I thought I’d pick The Truman Show. It sounds like a crock of shit to me – if his whole life is being filmed, then how come we never see him do anything, you know, private?
I THINK WE’RE ALL IN AGREEMENT ABOUT THE VALIDITY OF MY FUCKING ARGUMENT NOW AREN’T WE?