Travellers (2010)

This one’s one of those stupid city folk go around messing about with locals and getting FUBAR movies.  You know, Wrong Turn (18, seen), Deliverance (18, seen), Southern Comfort (18, need) etc – that kind of shit.  Although none of them are shit.  When I say shit, I mean stuff.  Apart from when I say “I’m going for a shit” – then I actually mean shit.  Or “Dammit, I stepped in some dog shit” – that’s actual shit again.  But “Just been looking at shit on the internet” would mean stuff, unless of course I’d actually been looking at real shit on the internet.  But I’ve never done that obviously, hahahahaha, haa.

So anyway, back to Travellers.  It’s about four blokes who go off on a motorcycle holiday and decide it would be ‘banter’ if they wrote ‘PIKEY SCUM’ on a caravan.  Turns out some Irish nutcases live in that caravan and they’re not exactly happy about the new paint job.  So obviously they go a bit mental and start trying to kill the city boys.

So same old same old really.  Only with a lower budget, worse acting and cameras REALLY CLOSE to people’s faces.  Which aren’t good things.  So it all starts off pretty rubbish to be honest.  I asked the people I was with if they wanted to watch something else (this is a regular occurrence – I put people through a lot of crap), but luckily they said no.  ‘Luckily’ because it ended up being quite good.

Once you’ve got over the fact that it’s a low budget movie, everything turns out ok.  Especially once shit (actual shit) hits the fan big time.  Particularly during a mint bare-knuckle boxing scene in a barn full of fat nutters.  It’s really well choreographed and I certainly sucked up a few peanuts with my anus during the sequence.

The titular travellers are the best part of the movie though, particularly the bare-knuckle boxing one – he’s fucking terrifying.  He’s got one of those faces – you know, one where you know he’s going to punch you just for looking at him in the wrong way (LIKE MINE – I’M WARNING YOU).

On the down side, one character (well, actor) is so annoying I almost keyed MY OWN car out of frustration.  Luckily he gets beaten up a bit so that went some way to compensating for his fist-clenching irritation.

Overall it’s average, but it’s a nice time-waster.  A bit like wrapping your face in sellotape until you bleed and then running down the street screaming at children – an ok way to spend an hour and a half.

I’ll give it 5 18s out of 10.

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