22 Bullets [L’Immortel] (2010)


You’ve outdone yourselves this time.

More of the same please.

Big pat on the back.

Winner winner chicken dinner.

If by now you hadn’t noticed, I thought 22 Bullets was downright sexually explosive in every possible way – this film was what those willy workout barbell things you get from shit joke shops were made for.

Yes, I was thoroughly pleased with everyone who was involved in making 22 Bullets and would like to take them out for a drink sometime.*

22 Bullets is the latest film by Europacorp, Luc Besson’s production company – you know, the one that can literally do no wrong (Kiss of the Dragon (18, amazing), High Tension (18, bloody good), Unleashed (18, tent-producing) and Taken (18, somebody help me there’s blood spraying from my eyes)).  But it’s Taken that is of most interest here, mainly because it’s by THE SAME PRODUCERS – uh oh!  But actually, they are quite similar, which can only be a good thing, seeing as Taken was one of the best films of 2008.

22 Bullets concerns Jean Reno’s (THE man) retired gangster getting shot to Scunthorpe and back in an underground car-park and left for dead.  ONLY HE DOESN’T DIE (because, as you’ll recall, he is THE man).  He comes out of his coma, and needless to say, he’s irked, not least because he can’t feel anything in his right hand or use it anymore (apart from a handy pincer motion – maybe he’ll have to escape some gangsters on a motorbike later, who knows?)  So he wakes up, and decides that instead of setting up his Sky Plus to record the whole series of Take Me Out, that he’s going to kill every last one of the blokes that tried to kill him.  Lucky for us – Sky Plus-based movies haven’t really found their groove yet.

So off he goes, grenade and gun in hand, ready to kill some man dem.  Which he does, and by default, pisses off the main gang boss big time.  So he kidnaps Jean Reno’s children – big mistake Mr. Gang Boss, didn’t you see Taken? IT’S FROM THE SAME PRODUCERS!  So Reno channels Neeson and goes about getting his kids back.

This movie had it all for me (could’ve been some tits, but you get what you’re given I suppose) – from beginning to end it had me hooked.  Most of it is down to Reno though, who despite not really having to act for the most part (all he needs to do is look forward, squint his eyes a bit and shoot a gun), he’s AMAYYZING all the way through.  Particularly during one bit; remember that amazing monologue in TakenThis one? How fucking ace is that?  Well, there’s one in 22 Bullets that’s about as good – the hairs on my bollocks stood up with such ferocity that my trousers flew off and my arse set fire to the sofa.

22 Bullets is what revenge films should be like – well good innit.  It’s definitely up there with Taken in the damn sweet ‘give me my kids back you twats you’re forgetting I’m an absolute badass’ sub-genre and it needs to be in your collection if you ever want me to speak to you again.

I’ll give 22 Bullets 8 18s out of 10.  (I wanted to give it 22 bullets out of 10, but not only did that clash with the popular system I already have going, it also makes no sense.)

*Of course, I won’t be taking them all out for a drink because I’m not fucking Bill Gates.
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  1. Pingback: People I Like no. 5: Steven Seagal | ionlywatch18s

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