18 related anecdote no. 5

The Perils of watching TV

You may think that watching television is fun, and maybe even a little bit educational, and you might be right.  But when you’ve dedicated your life to an important cause such as mine (not being a pussy lightweight) then watching television causes problems.  Why?


If your bum just clenched then you’ll know how I feel, my arse is now massive such was the intensity of the workout my bum received during the strength of the clench when I first realised my dilemma.  Here is an example of my plight:

I am currently watching The Walking Dead on television.  It’s about zombies and it’s really violent – it looks and feels like an 18.  I’ve taken a gamble because I really enjoy 18s (and zombies).  However, what happens if the dvd comes out and it’s a 15?  Literally what the fucking bollocks am I going to do?  I can’t get one of those memory erasers from Will Smith because it’ll get rid of all the legit 18s I’ve watched, so I’m basically stuffed.

Last time it happened (I won’t mention the name of the programme because I’m trying to forget it), I went into HMV and squeezed a dog turd into the dvd of the offending programme.  It was the best I could do to express my feelings (and to teach whichever shithead bought a 15 a lesson).

Such is the life of a crusader against lightweight film certificates.

Then again, TV on dvd does have some benefits.  For example, when The Inbetweeners started on television, I thought “Fuck that shit yo, it ain’t even got no sodding zombies in it” and therefore I didn’t tune in.  However, upon its dvd release, I noticed it was an 18, “Must be good then” I thought.  And it was.  Really good in fact.  So sometimes the red stamp of quality introduces you to TV that you wouldn’t have watched before because you were too hard.

Just a little insight there into what it means to be such a shagging legend.

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