Shocker (1989)

Shocker is written and directed by Wes Craven (the guy behind countless awesome 18s like A Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream and The Hills Have Eyes), therefore it should be good.  However, whereas it started off rather fantastically – I even said out loud ‘I love this kind of movie’ – it actually ended up being a bit of a

***NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH***

*We interrupt this review to bring you an urgent news story.  It has been brought to our attention that a gigantically shit pun is headed to this area.  It can be expected imminently and those averse to crap wordplay must stay away from any computer in their immediate vicinity – you have been warned*

***END OF NEWSFLASH***

shocker.

It’s about a mental serial killer called Horace Pinker who’s targeting families at random and killing them all.  Quite early on, an annoying football jock has a dream about watching Final Destination about the killer murdering his family.  IT COMES TRUE.  Then somehow, the kid works out how to have these premonition dreams and leads the police to Pinker’s next murder before it even happens.  So the cops capture him and sentence him to the electric chair.

However, when they go to retrieve him from his cell, he’s connected up to the TV with huge wires and he’s screaming and a giant pair of lips comes out of the screen and says something shit like, “YOU GOT IT BABY” and a load of crap flows into him.  I had my doubts at this point.

Then he’s electrocuted but he disappears into a big puff of smoke instead.  They go looking for him and find him hiding behind the door – dead.  So I guess he’s not actively ‘hiding’, but you get my drift.  Anyway, he falls over and sets on fire, before disappearing and leaving his clothes intact.  No-one seems to question this however, not least the sheriff (or whatever the fuck he is) who just looks at the body and says, ‘Jesus. That chair really kicks ass.’  Doubts increasing by this point.

However, I let it go and I’ll admit I was enjoying the hell out of it.

On a side note, you know that bit in The Godfather when Don Corleone is talking to Johnny Fontane?  It’s the ‘I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse’ bit – it’s really tense but then that stupid ghost woman in a white dress comes out of the bathroom and fires a bright beam of light from her chest at the football coach and he goes flying backwards into the wall.

Wait, no, I’ve got myself confused again.  That bit happened in Shocker.

This is where it became fully bollocks.  And by the time the kid and Horace are chasing each other through different TV channels I’d lost all hope.  I’ve never seen a film change quality so quickly in my life, it went from ‘They sure don’t make films like this anymore!’ to ‘I’m fucking glad they don’t make films like this anymore!’ within about 20 seconds.

Also, nobody does this:

It’s a massive shame Shocker is so bad, because I like Wes Craven.  I’ll let him off this time, because he’s made some amazing flicks, but if there are any see-through women firing killer laser beams out of their tits in Scream 4 then I’m deleting him from my Facebook friends.

I’ll give Shocker 4 18s out of 10.

 

 

On a side note, if you want to see a quality film about a bloke coming back to life after the electric chair and killing people, then check out House 3 (aka The Horror Show) starring Brion James because it’s much, much better.

This entry was posted in 18s, Horror, Reviews and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *