So when I found out that Terry was one of those ‘real’ footage movies à la Man Bites Dog (18, seen) and Resurrecting the StreetWalker (18, seen) I had some sort of shoulder-shrugging bodily reaction combined with an audible ‘humph’. I thought “Fucking copycats. It’s been done before. Fucking get your own ideas.”
But then I realised something.
That’s the same as saying “Oh, you liked Training Day? That’s a ‘fictional film’ isn’t it? Yeah mate, been done before. You know Predator? Yeah that was a ‘film’ too.”
“How To Train Your Dragon? Computer animation? Fucking been done loads of times you ape.”
Of course, the second quote could only be from a baby or a fucking idiot anyway, but you get my point.
So I soon realised that this particular style is just another way of telling a story, so I gave it the respect it was due. Good job I did too because Terry’s a fucking hard twat and he’d have shitted me right up the shafters if I’d have said anything bad about him.
Terry is about a fucking chav dickhead called Terry (or ‘Tel’) who goes around doing drugs, drinking beer, kicking people’s heads in and swearing a lot – in short, he’s a right old tosser. Anyway, a film student called…sorry, can’t remember, and I can’t be bothered to go and get the DVD and check because I’m right comfy here with my popcorn, Gobstoppers, gyal dem, extra large condoms, pile of 18 DVDs, pile of non-18 DVDs with cat sick sealed inside ready for placing in HMV, Chinese finger-trap, slicked-back haircut, pint of vodka, Pepperami, phone full of girls’ numbers, web-sex-chat window, female fans outside champing at the grunter, lengthy gleaming pole, grade-A gusset, flawless attitude, Hustler magazine, cut biceps, Fleshlight, hulking frame, intimidating stare, pussy magnet, hustle loyalty respect, big felt tip pen for drawing willies and a large family bucket of Starmix. So I ent moving for SHIT. Well I would move for shit if it was going to come out of my arse, but I’ll deal with that hurdle when I get to it – right now, I’m happy where I am, buster.
So yeah, this film student decides that for a project, he’ll follow Tel around while he goes about his day to day business (doing drugs, drinking beer, kicking people’s heads in and swearing a lot) and hand it in as his coursework. Obviously, as Tel is a bonafide plank, he captures loads of shit that you wouldn’t normally see in a student film.
In short, you see him smashing bottles over people’s heads, punching innocent people in the face, having a sodding threesome, snorting loads of cocaine, shooting people, robbing houses, playing pool, swearing, drinking beer and fighting Arnold Schwarzenegger in the jungle.
ACTUALLY MAYBE NOT THE LAST ONE NOW THAT I THINK OF IT.
Terry is what some may call ‘hard-hitting’ – not least the guy who got it in the face from him! GET IT? This is because it’s really brutal and at some points it’s not a nice watch, but in spite of this, it’s consistently really entertaining throughout. Tel himself is such a magnetic character that’s it’s impossible to take your eyes off him, and the same goes for the other people in his life. The film draws you in, sticks a bloody finger up your arse and forces you to watch all the horrible things going down onscreen. I suppose there’s some sort of social comment to do with voyeurism or some shit somewhere in there but I only deal with tits and explosions so if there was, it went straight in one dick and out the other.
Oh yeah, good ending too. At one point you think it’s going to be an absolute cop-out but then just at the last minute it redeems itself.
All in all, Terry was, as Tel would say, “Fucking roight good you dozy little pillock. Don’t look at me like that or I’ll faackin do you in you gobby mug.”
I’ll give it 8 18s out of 10.