Drive is my favourite film. I’ve got it on director’s cut dvd, director’s cut vhs, and recorded off channel 5 (it’s got a different soundtrack). It’s amazing. If you consider me a friend (or just like what I’m about) then you need to see this film, because if you haven’t seen it, then I’m lying whenever I’m nice to you.
It’s so good in every possible way. Here’s ‘what goes down all up in this bitch’ (the synopsis):
There is a man who beats people up really easily. This is because he has a gadget in his heart that makes him really fast and strong. However, he doesn’t want it anymore (idiot), and has been promised loads of cash if he sells it to these blokes with beards. So off he goes to give it to them.
BUT IT AIN’T GONNA BE EASY.
That’s because the guys that put that turbo shit in his chest want it too, so they send out a bloke with long hair and an old bloke who likes watching frogs on television (who doesn’t?) to go and find him. Turbo-man then accidentally picks up this black comedian and promises him half the money if he drives him to a bar shaped like a rocket ship (stay with me) because that’s where the beard-men are waiting.
So off they go, fighting loads of people (using boots, handcuffs, guns, chainsaws (more on this later), electric batons, guns and car tyres). Shit hits the fan numerous times, especially when some Japanese nutcase with an EVEN STRONGER turbo heart (this is something I tell girls that I have) turns up with an army of martial arts experts on motorcycles in the rocket bar.
It stars Mark Dacascos (top five favourite actors) as the hardest man in the world – you will literally never see a better performance than this. EVER. Those lightweights at the Oscars seriously missed a trick when they neglected Mark and his performance in 1997. He’s also amazing at kicking the living quim out of the bad guys – it’s gotta be seen to be disbelieved.
It also stars Kadeem Hardison (not top five favourite actors but he’s amazing in this) as the comic relief – what a relief then that he’s actually funny. He also does his fare share of arse fisting with his foot, for example:
“Uh oh, there’s a highly trained henchmen with a huge machine gun about to kill me, what am I gonna do?”
“I’m gonna fucking use this.”
*Cuts off henchman’s arm while he’s shooting gun, thereby causing severed arm holding gun to spin around and shoot henchmen*
“TEENAGE MUTANT HERO TURTLES!!” (I’m paraphrasing here)
It really is one of those films.
And it’s an 18.
Just please watch it. You WILL enjoy it.
If you don’t, please refer to the last two words on the 30th line of this review.
(HINT: The two words are FUCK OFF)
This film gets a resounding 10 18s out of 10.