Tag Archives: andy nyman
This is a post-apocalyptic horror from Xavier Gens – the guy behind Frontier(s) (which was an 18 for all you legends out there), so chances are it could be great.
Until that is, you realise that it’s not a mega-explosion all over your tits with a dildo kind of futuristic action movie – it’s YET ANOTHER of those ‘group of people stuck in a confined space oh no I wonder what’ll happen here everyone’s probably going to get along fine and find out they’re all really big Spice Girls fans and that they all universally agree that Scotch eggs are a rather enjoyable protein-filled snack oops no they’re not they’re actually going to fall out spectacularly and get all paranoid and probably start trying to kill each other but two of them might have sex at some point but mostly they’ll be wanting to kill each other.’ type movies.
You know the ones – ‘the danger’s not out there, it’s in here. The real evil is inside all of us.’ Fuck that, the real evil is inside ME – the morning after a curry. That’s something you don’t want to see unleashed.
Actually I’d pay a fucking LOT to see that movie.
Excitement Rating: About as excited as I was when I started this ‘excitement rating’ idea because I thought it would be funny but now I can’t be bothered to carry it on so I think I’ll just stick with star ratings from now on.
No, not a film about a river that can absorb other rivers’ powers just by touching them – it’s actually a film about a weird bloke that likes to watch people sleep. I’m the opposite – I like to watch people while I sleep, it properly freaks them out. Anyway, he doesn’t just watch people sleep, because judging by the trailer, he also likes to kill people.
This doesn’t look like anything too original, but it does look pretty good, and besides, it’s got Bill Moseley in it. And he’s playing a weirdo. He’s just about one of the best actors in the biz at playing a weirdo.
Apart from Nicole Kidman.
Excitement Rating: As excited as I would be waiting in a queue in the cinema for a film called Rogue River.