Tag Archives: cinema

18 related anecdote no. 35

I fancied going to the cinema tonight, so I went on my local cinema’s website to check the listings.  This is what I saw:

127 Hours
(15 – 1:35 mins)
12:05pm, 2:25pm, 5:05pm, 7:30pm, 9:55pm
Animals United (Konferenz der Tiere)
(U – 1:33 mins)
11:50am, 2:20pm
Black Swan
(15 – 1:50 mins)
11:25am, 2:00pm, 4:35pm, 7:25pm, 10:00pm
Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader, The
(PG – 1:53 mins)
11:30am, 2:00pm, 4:40pm, 7:25pm, 10:00pm
Dilemma, The
(12A – 1:58 mins)
11:15am, 2:05pm, 4:40pm, 7:25pm, 10:05pm
Green Hornet 3D, The [REAL D 3D]
(12A – 1:48 mins)
11:00am, 1:40pm, 4:25pm, 7:10pm, 9:55pm
Gulliver’s Travels
(PG – 1:25 mins)
12:15pm, 3:00pm, 5:15pm
Gulliver’s Travels 3D [REAL D 3D]
(PG – 1:25 mins)
11:45am, 2:30pm, 4:50pm, 7:25pm, 9:40pm
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1
(12A – 2:26 mins)
12:00pm, 3:30pm, 7:30pm
King’s Speech, The
(12A – 1:51 mins)
11:10am, 2:00pm, 4:40pm, 5:10pm, 7:20pm, 7:50pm, 10:00pm, 10:30pm
Love and Other Drugs
(15 – 1:53 mins)
4:30pm, 7:10pm, 9:50pm
Meet The Parents: Little Fockers
(12A – 1:38 mins)
11:20am, 2:15pm, 4:45pm, 7:15pm, 9:45pm
Megamind
(PG – 1:36 mins)
12:00pm, 2:25pm
Morning Glory
(12A – 1:47 mins)
11:35am, 2:10pm, 4:45pm, 7:20pm, 9:50pm
Next Three Days, The
(12A – 2:12 mins)
7:30pm, 10:20pm
Ward, The
(15 – 1:28 mins)
12:20pm, 2:50pm, 5:15pm, 7:40pm, 10:05pm

I THINK YOU’LL NOTICE THAT THERE’S SOMETHING OFF ABOUT ALL OF THIS.

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18 related anecdote no. 22

A guide to shouting things in the cinema at that bit where it goes quiet before the film starts

I often get the urge to shout things when it is quiet.  One of life’s daily battles is the one waged between my brain and my voicebox during that quiet bit after the trailers but before the actual film starts.  It’s usually about 30 seconds long and consists of a black screen, followed by instructions not to record the film in any way, followed by the BBFC certificate (the best bit).

It is entirely silent throughout these parts, unless you’re in a cinema full of children (but you’ve gone to see an 18 so this isn’t a problem) or idiots (this is sometimes a problem).  This silence is often unbearable, and so to make things a little easier for everyone, it is sometimes necessary to shout something.

So, in keeping with my passing-the-wisdom-baton habit, I’ll tell you how you should go about doing it without looking like an idiot.  (Someone WILL think you are an idiot though.) (more…)

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18 related anecdote no. 21

Tackling the Cinema

After I had informed you how best to deal with a trip to HMV, I realised that there are other arenas in which it is possible to show an appreciation of 18s.  The most obvious being, THE CINEMA.  If you’re reading this blog, chances are you’ve seen an 18 at the cinema, but it’s also possible that you might have seen a, err, ouch, erm…wait a minute, brb.

BLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!

That’s better, what I was trying to say was you might have seen a 15 at the cinema.  I hope this isn’t true, but I’m wise to how this mad world works.  And besides, you won’t be doing silly things like that anymore will you?  WILL YOU?

And because you won’t, you’ll need to know exactly how to tackle going to see an 18 at the cinema.  If this is something you do not already know how to do, then read on: (more…)

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