Tag Archives: danny trejo

Beatdown (2010)

So I quite like all these shit straight-to-DVD MMA films because, as I’ve said before, I’m very easily pleased.  Make a silly face at me and I’ll laugh.  Make a stupid noise and I’ll laugh.  Show me your small dick and I’ll laugh because mine’s much bigger.  Show me a shit MMA film and I’ll enjoy it.

Beatdown is a shit MMA film that I showed to myself and enjoyed.  I also assume that those of you that are easily pleased/like shit MMA films will also like this.  You don’t believe me?  Well I’ve applied the shit MMA films checklist to Beatdown, and it’s done pretty well:

PUNCHING……….✔
KICKING……….✔
HEADBUTTING……….✔
ARM BARS……….✔
LEG BARS……….✔
HEADLOCKS……….✔
NOSEBLEEDS……….✔
TITS……….✘
CAGES……….✔
TRAINING MONTAGES……….✔
HOT WOMEN……….✔
BAI LING……….✘
VINNIE JONES……….✘
REAL MMA FIGHTERS……….✔
MINGE……….✘
GROWN MEN CRYING……….✔
A MEXICAN PERSON……….✔✔✔
SHIT SEX SCENES……….✔
ERIC BALFOUR……….✔
TWO ENDINGS……….✔
KIMBO SLICE……….✘
PRESS UPS……….✔
BUSHY EYEBROWS……….✔
A MOTORBIKE……….✔
FIGHTS IN CARPARKS……….✔
TERRIBLE ROCK MUSIC……….✔
TERRIBLE/POINTLESS FLASHING LIGHTS……….✔
ANAL FISTING……….

So as you can see, it’s got pretty much all the usual bases covered. (more…)

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DVD Design for Machete

In my Machete review here, I mentioned my designs for the DVD sleeve.  Well, I’ve decided to go ahead and make it.  So for the UK distributors of Machete that are definitely reading this blog, the final designs are below: (more…)

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Machete (2010)

I’ve finally seen Machete – the film I’ve been wanting to see most this year.  When I first heard about it, I ripped a hole in my trousers, painted my dick green and ran through town making penis prints on the windows of any shops beginning with ‘M’ – that’s how excited I was.  And now I’ve seen it, but was it worth spending a night in prison?

YEAH BUDDY!

Machete was amazing from start to finish, I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face the entire way through.  As soon as it starts, Machete goes and decapitates three blokes at once – it was at this point I knew that I would like this film.  From there on in, it’s pretty much non-stop absurdity, as Machete beats people up, shoots people, uses their guts as rope, shags women, beats people up, shoots people, uses guts as rope, shags women, punches people, hits people with garden trimmers, uses guts as rope, shoots people, shags women, USES GUTS AS ROPE, kicks people, and uses some guts as a bit of rope. (more…)

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