Tag Archives: dvd

Travellers (2010)

This one’s one of those stupid city folk go around messing about with locals and getting FUBAR movies.  You know, Wrong Turn (18, seen), Deliverance (18, seen), Southern Comfort (18, need) etc – that kind of shit.  Although none of them are shit.  When I say shit, I mean stuff.  Apart from when I say “I’m going for a shit” – then I actually mean shit.  Or “Dammit, I stepped in some dog shit” – that’s actual shit again.  But “Just been looking at shit on the internet” would mean stuff, unless of course I’d actually been looking at real shit on the internet.  But I’ve never done that obviously, hahahahaha, haa.

So anyway, back to Travellers.  It’s about four blokes who go off on a motorcycle holiday and decide it would be ‘banter’ if they wrote ‘PIKEY SCUM’ on a caravan.  Turns out some Irish nutcases live in that caravan and they’re not exactly happy about the new paint job.  So obviously they go a bit mental and start trying to kill the city boys. (more…)

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18 related anecdote no. 27

The other day a friend of mine raised the following issue – what happens if I get a DVD for Christmas and it’s a 15 but it’s got the Irish 18 certificate next to it – you know, this one:

Well, my advice is you immedietely snap the DVD in two, punch whoever gave it to you and burn the Christmas tree down.  This IS NOT an 18.  It’s ok if there’s the superior red BBFC 18 stamp next to it, but only in this case.

Although this is what I would call a ‘good’ 15, there are still no excuses for watching it.

However, what about if the opposite happens?  What happens if you’ve got a DVD which is a BBFC 18 but an Irish 15.  IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!  You’re ok, you can still watch it.  Although because this is a ‘bad’ 18, it should be kept away from sunlight and never be fed treats like Pepperami or Haribo.  You should also Tipp-Ex the offending Irish 15 out too.  Or replace it with a sticker of a potato if you are a fucking dirket installer.

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18 related anecdote no. 24

The Ideal Way To Consume An 18 Rated DVD: Comedy

Today I’ll tell you how best to enjoy a comedy film in the comfort of your own house.

Firstly – providing you’ve got them – invite friends round (preferably good-looking ones  – you don’t want to be hanging around mingreds) as a large group is essential to maximise a comedy’s effectiveness.  If you are male – invite more females than males, and vice-versa if you are female – this will come in handy for the climactic orgy. (more…)

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18 related anecdote no. 23

The Ideal Way To Consume An 18 Rated DVD

So, you’ve been to HMV (hopefully you followed my instructions), or you’ve ordered online, and now you have yourself a shiny new 18 DVD.  So what’s the best way to consume it?  Well, I thought I’d give you some ideas by telling you how I usually consume my 18s.  To make it easier, I will post how to tackle each genre – today’s is horror: (more…)

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18 related anecdote no. 17

DVD Special Features

A Few years ago, Land of the Dead came out in cinemas.  It was about zombies so I wanted to see it.  However, it was a 15 so I sat at home drawing pictures of dicks instead.

(more…)

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