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Frightfest Round Up: Day 1

So I’m back from Frightfest now and I’m absolutely knackered.  A combination of endless film watching, late nights, early starts and relentless cubicle ramming in the girls bogs has truly taken it out of me and all I really want to do is sleep.  But because I’m sure you want to know how many women I slept with over the weekend (and how good the films were) I thought I’d start my weekend write up now innit.

I’m only going to briefly outline my thoughts on the films that I saw because I figured it would be much better to give them proper reviews. And also I’ll be able to fit in more penis jokes that way.

So let’s start with Day 1:


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Fucking fuck this shit.  Literally fuck it.  Put your dick in it and FUCK it.  Open its arse, bend it over AND FUCKING FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

You may have noticed that I’m a bit angry.  Well, you’ll probably want to know why, no?

Basically, I was perusing the BBFC website today and JESUS HOLY FUCKING CHRIST there was some shit on it.  Take a little look at the following:


I assume this is some sort of joke right?  This is the bloody lads at the BBFC pulling a fast one isn’t it?  They’re larking about like a bunch of cheeky rogues aren’t they? What a gang of ripping legends pulling our legs eh?  What a naughty bunch of coconuts?

Wait, my phone’s ringing brb.




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Frightfest Preview (Day 1)

I’m quite excited about Frightfest (in case you hadn’t noticed), so I thought I’d run through the films on each day as a little taster of things in store.  Firstly, I’ll take a look at the Thursday:
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark


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A list of films coming in 2011 that better be 18s otherwise I’m gonna kick off.

So happy new year everyone!  Hope you’ve all got some new year’s resolutions – I have.  Fucking already broke it though – got really pissed on New Year’s Eve.  Although I suppose I broke it before the new year actually started, so I guess it doesn’t really count.  Anyway, alongside not getting pissed, not having sex with supermodels anymore (trust me, it gets really boring) and not leading on every woman that meets me and instantly falls in love with me, my main new year’s resolution is to watch EVEN MORE 18s.

Luckily, there are loads of films coming out in 2011 that sound cushty, so I’m gonna do a quick whip-through of the films I’m looking forward to and what I will do if they aren’t 18s.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon – I loved the transformers toys when I was a kid, but because the films have been 12s, I haven’t yet had the chance to see them – so fingers crossed for third time lucky.
What I will do if it is not an 18 – Go into the attic, get all my transformers toys, put them in a blender with some protein powder and drink it after maxing out the fucking bench press machine. (more…)

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