Tag Archives: FrightFest
Fucking fuck this shit. Literally fuck it. Put your dick in it and FUCK it. Open its arse, bend it over AND FUCKING FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
You may have noticed that I’m a bit angry. Well, you’ll probably want to know why, no?
Basically, I was perusing the BBFC website today and JESUS HOLY FUCKING CHRIST there was some shit on it. Take a little look at the following:
I assume this is some sort of joke right? This is the bloody lads at the BBFC pulling a fast one isn’t it? They’re larking about like a bunch of cheeky rogues aren’t they? What a gang of ripping legends pulling our legs eh? What a naughty bunch of coconuts?
Wait, my phone’s ringing brb.
OH TURNS OUT IT’S NOT A JOKE.
A Night In The Woods
Here’s the plot synopsis from the Frightfest website:
If you go out in the woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise! That MONSTERS man is back and FrightFest has got him! Join Scoot McNairy who made a massive impact in Gareth Edwards’ award-winning fantasy, Anna Skellern from THE DESCENT: PART 2 and rising British star Andrew Hawley on a hitchhike into stark, staring horror. Brody, his girlfriend Kerry and their friend Leo go hiking in Dartmoor’s Wistman’s Woods, so named because of its legendary haunted past. That night jealousies, sexual tensions and strained relationships come to a head turning what should have been a peaceful camping adventure into a trip into terror. As collective paranoia reaches fever pitch it becomes clear that there is a much darker force at work in the ancient eerie surroundings. Who or what is after them? And can any one of them survive a night in the woods?
The poster makes this look like a Blair Witch Project rip-off, and to be honest, so does the plot outline. I hope it’s not, because ‘a much darker force’ holds a lot of potential. It may mean many things, but I’ve got my fingers crossed that’s it got something to do with a hungover bout of the shits. Maybe the night in the woods is because the main guy has done too many shits in his toilet and it’s blocked so he’s got to go in the woods instead.
Can any of them survive a night in the woods? Does a bear shit in the woods? Can a bear survive a night shitting in the woods? Can you bear to see me at night shitting in the woods? Can you bear to see a bear spending a night shitting on my wood in the woods? Can a bear bear to see a bear spending his time at night shitting on your wood in the shitty woods? Would you care to see a bare shit bare care bear spending a bare shitload of time shitting and spending a penny on a shit wooden knight’s wood at night in the woods covered in shit?
As you can probably tell I’m not all that bothered about this one.
Excitement Rating: **
No, not a film about a river that can absorb other rivers’ powers just by touching them – it’s actually a film about a weird bloke that likes to watch people sleep. I’m the opposite – I like to watch people while I sleep, it properly freaks them out. Anyway, he doesn’t just watch people sleep, because judging by the trailer, he also likes to kill people.
This doesn’t look like anything too original, but it does look pretty good, and besides, it’s got Bill Moseley in it. And he’s playing a weirdo. He’s just about one of the best actors in the biz at playing a weirdo.
Apart from Nicole Kidman.
Excitement Rating: As excited as I would be waiting in a queue in the cinema for a film called Rogue River.