Tag Archives: gareth evans

The Raid 2 (2014)

The-Raid-2-Australian-poster_JPG.jpgThe Raid is one of my favourite films in the fucking world, EVER. It’s better than any film you’ve ever made, buster, isn’t it? Your movies are shit. The Raid is not. It’s a stripped-down, straight-to-the-point action /martial arts flick and it blows my nipples through the sodding roof every time I watch it. So needless to say, I was excited about The Raid 2 – the trailer attacked my bum and threw it into the stratosphere, and a hench clip I saw at Frightfest peeled back my foreskin and pinged it back with such force that a window smashed. I was LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, essentially.

And now I’ve seen it. So was it worth the wait?

OF COURSE IT WAS YOU ABSOLUTE PILLOCK.

The Raid 2 was utterly amazing. I don’t know what Gareth Evans is drinking, but I want some of it (Special Brew just isn’t doing it for me at the moment) – he’s a genius. This movie takes the small-scale approach of the first one and spreads it wider than that rude thing I did at the weekend, it’s – although I hate the word – epic. It’s a sprawling, complex crime thriller that just happens to be interspersed with the best fucking fight scenes you’re ever likely to see (until the Raid 3: Your Dick Will Fall Off, presumably).

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The Raid (2011)

Ever since I saw the trailer for this back in October time, my erection has become a permanent fixture in my life, bringing rise to a number of embarrassing and awkward situations which I won’t trouble you with here. Well, it’s finally gone down now because I’ve finally seen The Raid.

Leaping fucking lizards was it good. Suffering fucking succotash I loved it.  I mean this was easily one of the best films I’ve seen in ages. For sodding ages. Seriously for sodding bloody ages. Seriously for sodding bloody fucking ages. Couldn’t believe how good it was. Let me tell you why.

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The Raid is basically about this huge high-rise tower block full of naughty drugs dealers and when a load of armed police enter it there’s a big fight.

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Excuse me while I remove my anus from the ceiling fan

I’ve known about The Raid for a while now, mainly because I’ve got a massive bruise where I headbutted my leg whilst watching the trailer for the first time.  I haven’t seen it too many times since because every time I do, I seem to lose a chunk of skin or a bit of hair doing something stupid and reckless.

So imagine my surprise when I woke up naked one evening with my head in the toilet and my shattered laptop in the bath covered in jizz.  What the hell happened?  Well, retracing my steps, à la The Hangover, I subsequently discovered that they’d released a new trailer for The Raid and I’d watched it.  The next few hours are a complete blackout.

The cucumber in the fridge had shit on it too but I’d rather not go into that.

Anyway, take a look at the trailer below and tell me it’s not going to be FUCKING BRILL:

 

 

The trailer is already the best film I’ve ever seen in my life.

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