I went to Frightfest last year – it’s a horror film festival that is held in Leicester Square every August. I went on my own (thought it would be easier to pick up chicks – THAT WAS A MISTAKE) and I remember sitting there in an almost empty theatre between two films, eating my Haribo, thinking “I ent fucking doing this again for a packet of Haribo.”
HOWEVER I SHALL BE DOING IT AGAIN.
I just love 18s too much I suppose. So, to hear that they’ve announced the opening and closing films was music to my dick. The opening film will be the Guillermo del Toro (Blade II, 18, seen) produced Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. However, I’m not sure how I feel about this.
I mean I’ve seen the trailer and it looks like it could be pretty scary.
BUT THAT’S ABOUT IT FOR THE GOOD POINTS I’M AFRAID.
Katie Holmes is in it, the main character is a kid and it’s about evil imps. Yeah sounds wicked mate, can’t wait to see it. It’s definitely not going to be an 18 so those imps can fucking suck my bollocks off for all I care – I wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot shit. So that one’s out – what about the closing film?
Well it’s got Melissa George (Paradise Lost, 18, seen) in it who is as fit as a wincing bunter, so that’s a good start. It’s called A Lonely Place to Die, and according to the Frightfest website, is about:
“Five mountaineers climbing the Scottish Highlands who stumble across an air pipe sticking out of the ground, from which they can hear the cries of a small girl who only speaks Serbian.”
For fuck’s sake. Sounds brilliant guys, definitely going to be there for that one. Unless of course they’re just holding back the part where the inbred, naked cannibals with nice tits turn up and fuck Melissa George in close-up for 2 hours and then eat each other.
So basically, what I’m trying to say is I’d rather stuff both hands in my arse and try and ride a bike blindfolded with my dick taped to the handlebars than watch those films.