Tag Archives: lance henriksen
THIS FILM IS FUCKING AMAZING. I feel the need to let everybody know how good it is, so I’ve taken a break from wrapping sellotape around my penis – I’m trying to get the shaft-colour to match the bellend-colour – in order to write this. I’m providing a valuable public service – people need to know about this movie and they need to watch it.
Until recently, I didn’t really know who Brian Bosworth was – but now I do, and I’m fucking happy about it. Brian Bosworth was a professional American Football player who was extremely popular over in America in the ’80s, but obviously I had no idea of this because I do not give three flying turd-corns about American Football. But supposedly he was a big deal.
BIG DEAL, I couldn’t care less – what I could care less about (because I care a lot about it) (so I guess I couldn’t care less because I care so much about it) (I’ve chosen the wrong expression here but I hope you’re all still with me) is the fact that he went into movies soon after. This is where things get interesting, particularly in the case of Stone Cold, because it was his debut film. I for one, can say with the utmost confidence that this is one of THE best debuts in the history of cinema.
Here’s another ‘might not know his name – definitely know his face’ person. A bit like me, I’m one of those guys, well to women anyway – they don’t know my name, but when they see me THEY KNOW WHO I AM. I’ll walk past and they’ll say, “There’s Pendulum Man – he’s so dreamy!” They call me pendulum man because of the way that my penis acts as a gigantic pendulum as I swagger past.
Anyway, Lance Henriksen (pendulum attributes pending) is one of my favourite actors, mainly because…YOU GUESSED IT!
If you didn’t, tough. (more…)