Tag Archives: paul verhoeven

Classic 18: Robocop

The two most famous robots/cyborgs in the world are the Terminator and Robocop.  At least in my world they are.  However, as The Terminator is now a 15 I have erased all memory of it and that hunk of shit can suck my dick and fuck off back to Terminatortron or wherever the fuck he lives.

That leaves Robocop.  Luckily he’s still an absolute legend.  And the film he’s in is absolutely legendary.  He’s so legendary he thought:

Robocop: “Oi mate, you know this film you’ve written about my life? The one called Policeman who gets shot loads and then gets brought back to life as a robot but still a policeman and has a gun in his leg which comes out whenever he wants?  Yeah, well I’m the star yeah?  So let’s just name it after me yeah?”

Screenwriter: “But I quite like that title – it does what it says on the tin.”

Robocop: “Dead or Alive, you’re coming with me.”

Screenwriter: “Wait, what?”

Robocop: [shoots screenwriter in groin] “Your move, creep.”

Screenwriter: “Jeez, we’ll call it Robocop!”

Robocop: “Thank you for your cooperation.”

Screenwriter: “You’re an actual twat Robocop.”

Robocop: “Excuse me, I have to go. Somewhere there is a crime happening.” (more…)

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Classic 18: Starship Troopers (1997)

I really really like Starship Troopers.  I mean, really really like it.  I’ve seen it loads of times, and just writing this makes me want to see it again.  I really really like it.

Which is strange, because when it came out in the cinema, it was a 15 (I have mentioned this before, here).  Luckily, when it was released on video, it was an 18, so I was allowed to watch it.  I bought the VHS, and could not believe how bloody amazing the film was (and also how it ever got passed as a 15).  It’s literally non-stop from beginning to end.

“What literally?”

“Yeah, literally.”

“God, I hate it when people say literally and they don’t mean it.”

“Er, same, but I do mean it”

“HOW CAN YOU?  How is it non-stop action from beginning to end?  There must be some dialogue in there somewhere you idiot.”

“Didn’t actually say it was non-stop action, only said it was non-stop.  Made sure of it.  It literally doesn’t stop from beginning to end.”

“Damn, that’s true.”

“Unlucky”

“Yeah, but what about if you pause it?  Then it stops.”

“But I don’t pause it.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Ok, I pause it every time it gets to the shower scene.”

“Gutted.” (more…)

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