Tag Archives: project x

Project X (2011)

I like going to parties. I like getting pissed and rooting to high Heaven. It’s what I do ok? You’ll know when I enter your party – it’s a kind of Moses parting the Red Sea-type affair. The crowds make way for my entrance, the girls swoon, drop their gussets and the room slowly fills with the sweet aroma of fish. From there on in, I’ll infiltrate your party, using my throb-wand with pin-point accuracy to fell only the best-looking females. If you were looking to get some action at your own party, gutted blud, cos I’m all the girls want.

So yeah, I like parties.

Project X is about a party. Therefore, I liked it. All it is, is a party. Just a party. And it’s wicked.

It starts with three geeky blokes who decide they want to have this party to, in a sense, ‘get their dicks wet.’ I like these guys already. Anyway, they throw this massive house party and it goes absolutely mental and the house and neighborhood end up getting completely trashed. Oops, hey at least they saw some tits eh? (more…)

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Well that certainly made me change my mind…

When I first saw the trailer for Project X:

I wasn’t that excited.  It looked like any of my flat parties, only without the naked woman, my marauding wand, an abundance of Chocolate-flavoured Stout, a condom tree, vats of protein shake, a gym area, a rutting area, piles of DVDs, snakes, a mobile phone overflowing with girls’ numbers and pictures of their areolas, a piñata full of Tangfastics, a burrito made out of ten burritos, a fucking machine (often a sybian), a Nuts magazine with all the pages stuck together, a buffet of nothing but lean chicken breasts and broccoli, a room full of mirrors that only I’m allowed in, a clothes horse upon which girls may hang their knickers whilst they are on the sybian, a swimming pool full of vodka Red-Bull, a tattoo artist that only draws dicks, an entire cupboard full of Skittles (sour ones and normal ones), a pile of cables that have been there for ages and I don’t know what they’re for, lots and lots of Frangelico, a giant Pepperami, mini Pepperamis, normal sized Pepperamis, a bouncer at the entrance whose sole purpose is to confiscate condoms, a laptop full to the brim with porn a huge TV showing Drive (the Mark Dacascos one) on repeat, a cannon that fires chocolate-filled brioche rolls, a pneumatic drill for destroying DVDs that aren’t 18s, a stripper who farts into a megaphone, methylated spirits for the legends, a link to follow me on Twitter on the right, and a barman that only serves shandy because shandy is fucking nice and I don’t care what anyone says.

So I wasn’t really all that interested in seeing it.

However, I was skimming my gooch over the BBFC website today, and I discovered that it had been classified as an 18.

PROJECT X, I SHALL BE SEEING YOU…LATER.

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