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Classic 18: Wishmaster (1997)

Sorry I haven’t updated in a while – it’s just my willy’s been going in and out of so many vaginas I haven’t had enough time, you know the DRILL.  But fret not, for I am back, and I’ve got another sweet review for you to pat your bum-eye to.

Back when Wes Craven was good (i.e before he was making sub-par films like My Soul to Take and Scre4m) he produced this little gem.  Actually, it’s not a little gem, it’s a stonking rock-hard boner of one.  It’s directed by Robert Kurtzman (of the Holy Triumvirate of movie gore effects – K.N.B) and it’s really bloody good.  Emphasis on the bloody.

It’s basically about this genie thing (a Djinn) with two funny dicks that come out of his head and rest on his shoulders, and he comes out of a magical stone and grants people wishes.  Only he’s a right crafty fucker and he messes them all up – like one girl asks to be beautiful forever, so he turns her into a mannequin.  Another guy asks for his party to be a really memorable one so the genie makes the piano wires come out and start twatting people’s heads off.  He’s doing this not just because it’s a bit of fun, but also because if he grants the person who released him from the purple gem three wishes, he can get all his laddish mates to come to earth and start shagging women and chinning lagers or some shit. (more…)

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