Tag Archives: rza

The Man With The Iron Fists (2012)

ironfists-posterWhen I first saw the trailer for this I went so spare that I blacked out for over an hour and when I woke up I was naked in a wheelbarrow filled with straw, there was a dead horse next to me and there was clumps of bloody hair all over my bellend. Well, as I do with most occurrences of this ilk, I put it to the back of my mind and went home and had a wank.

So yeah, I was chuffing excited about The Man With The Iron Fists. How could you not be? Hip-hop, Russell Crowe being an absolute badass, fit yats everywhere, sweet wire-fu action, mental weapons, hip-hop, a character called ‘Brass Body’ who can turn his body into metal on command, Cung Le, co-written by Eli Roth, hip-hop, Daniel Wu and all of it directed by a bloke who knows a fuck-load about martial arts flicks and has based a good deal of his music career around this fact.

It couldn’t really fail to please me right? I’m particularly easily pleased, as you all know. I mean only last night I found a bubblegum-flavoured ice-pop down the back of the freezer and I was so pleased I punched myself in the head until I knocked myself out. Woke up next to a dead cow this time. Back of mind. Trousers up. Walk home. Wank. (more…)

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If this is shit I’ll punch my dick to Mars

Surely there is no way this can be shit?

It’s an 18. It’s got fuck loads of hip-hop in it. Bare peeps be getting their eyes and heads fucked out by people with spikes in their feet and metal fists. I’m so excited about this. I really am.

I’ve already watched the trailer exactly 6,789 times and this erection looks set to last another 3,456 times. It’s gonna be a loooooooooooooong night.

It’s a good job I’ve got a loooooooooooooong dick.

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