Tag Archives: shocker

My Soul To Take (2010)

Recently I waxed shitical about how shit Shocker was, and I probably said something about how much I liked Wes Craven and that he’d let me down and if he did it again I’d set fire to a dog turd and shove it through his letterbox or something.  Well, with My Soul To Take, he had a chance to get back in my good books (and I’ll tell you, they’re something you want to be in) – but did he manage it?

HE FUCKING WELL DIDN’T DID HE?

HE DIDN’T DID HE EH?

OI YOU, HE SHAFTING WELL DID NOT DID HE?

MATE?  YEAH YOU!  HE SODDING DIDN’T.

COCKING WELL SHUNTING DIDN’T.

DICK-SUCKING WELL FINGERING DIDN’T.

FISTING WELL RIMMING DIDN’T.

SPRAY ON YOUR TITS WELL DOGGYSTYLE DIDN’T.

STRAP-ON UP THE BUM UNLUCKY WELL TIT-WANKING DIDN’T.

DONE A POO IN YOUR PANTS ON THE TRAIN OH SHIT I HOPE NOBODY NOTICES WELL ACTUALLY EVERYONE’S LOOKING AT ME AND IT’S OBVIOUS BECAUSE I’VE PISSED MYSELF DIDN’T.

You get the idea. (more…)

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Shocker (1989)

Shocker is written and directed by Wes Craven (the guy behind countless awesome 18s like A Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream and The Hills Have Eyes), therefore it should be good.  However, whereas it started off rather fantastically – I even said out loud ‘I love this kind of movie’ – it actually ended up being a bit of a

***NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH***

*We interrupt this review to bring you an urgent news story.  It has been brought to our attention that a gigantically shit pun is headed to this area.  It can be expected imminently and those averse to crap wordplay must stay away from any computer in their immediate vicinity – you have been warned*

***END OF NEWSFLASH***

shocker.

It’s about a mental serial killer called Horace Pinker who’s targeting families at random and killing them all.  Quite early on, an annoying football jock has a dream about watching Final Destination about the killer murdering his family.  IT COMES TRUE.  Then somehow, the kid works out how to have these premonition dreams and leads the police to Pinker’s next murder before it even happens.  So the cops capture him and sentence him to the electric chair. (more…)

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