Tag Archives: Sylvester Stallone
So even though the first Expendables was a bit of a let-down, I’m still unbelievably excited about the sequel even though I told myself not to, because every time I do this it ends in tears. And pizza. Loads of pizza – which plays havoc with my washboard stomach. Not good.
Anyway, I DON’T BLOODY CARE because Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris and SCOTT SODDING ATKINS are in this one. Three of my favourite actors in the same film. Along with all those other bloody legends too – how can this be shit?
Well it can’t and it won’t – mainly because this time it’s not directed by Stallone, which was one of my main gripes with the last one. This one’s directed by Simon West, the guy behind the shafting awesome Con Air, so it has no choice but to be amazing (we’ll ignore some of the shit 15s that he’s directed – must have been ill or something).
ComingSoon have some disconcerting pictures on their website though. They seem to have somehow entered my mind while I was asleep and photographed the exact dream I had last night – here, take a look:
Not sure how they managed that, but I’m gonna drop them an email to see if they’ve got the ones from that wet dream I had about the bungee cord, the oil, the donkey with my head and the whole cast of Hollyoaks – that was fucking wicked mate.
Either way, this film WILL be amazing. I’ve already put all my boxers and trousers into the paper shredder at work because I certainly won’t be needing to wear anything on my bottom half until it comes out that’s for sure.
My dick is going to be OUT AND AFUCKINGBOUT.
It’s only a bloody fucking 18.
When it was in cinemas for some reason it was a 15 and I wasn’t able to watch it, but now it’s on DVD and they’ve released an uncut version, so I can. So was it worth the wait? I mean, when I first heard about the cast, I pulled down all of my Arnold Schwarzenegger posters, put them through a shredder, boiled them and ate them like spaghetti – I was that excited. I also did a big shit.
Well unfortunately, it wasn’t worth the wait. Bit of a nightmare really. While it had its moments (specifically the bits that got cut to make it a 15), overall it just wasn’t up to scratch – and it’s too late to regurgitate all the Arnold spaghetti now. I must look like a right lemon. (more…)