Tag Archives: the thing

People I Like no. 9: John Carpenter

Next up on People I Like is our man John Carpenter, one of the greatest horror directors ever in my opinion.  And as we all know, ‘my opinion’ is another word for ‘fucking fact’ isn’t it? So let’s go:

Assault on Precinct 13 – So obviously I saw this when it was an 18. It was brilliant. Now it is a 15. It is shit.

Halloween – One of the absolute best slashers ever made (read my original review here), Halloween has been a favourite of mine for years. It also gave me the idea for one of my favourite hobbies – painting my face white and standing by 7 ft bushes until someone sees me out of the corner of their eye, then hiding behind it when they take a proper look. Really puts the shits up people. Especially babysitters.

 

 

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Leviathan (1989)

So the remake of The Thing is out in cinemas at the mo and I’ll tell you now, there’s no fucking way I’m letting my ten metre long schlong anywhere near that piece of shit. This causes problems because there are some nice bars near the cinema but I guess I’m going to have to venture elsewhere to uphold my required weekly slot quota.

Anyway, seeing the posters reminded me how much I liked the original and I sat down on my sofa naked and thought “I’d quite like to watch a horror film in which tentacles come out of someone’s arse, or at least something along these lines. Wow – I forgot how big my dick was.”

So I decided to watch Leviathan. It’s basically a bit of a rip-off of The Thing except it’s underwater – easily enough of a difference for me.  It’s got Peter Weller (Robocop, 18, seen) in it too, and if a film’s an 18 and it’s got Peter Weller in it, then I’m signing on the dotted vagina no matter what it’s about.  I was slightly disappointed to find that he didn’t play a robot in this, but whatever, the film made up for it in other ways.

NAMELY A ‘CRYING IN THE SHOWER’ SCENE.

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Classic 18: The Thing (1982)

Writing about my favourite horror remake (The Blob) the other day, reminded me of my second favourite horror remake of all time – The Thing.  The other ‘The (single syllable word)’ horror remake that I like is The Fly.  But back to The Thing.

The Thing is a remake of the 1951 12 (pfffft) The Thing From Another World and it concerns a group of blokes at a remote Antarctic outpost getting attacked by a shapeshifting alien.  Hate it when that happens.

Everything is going fine on this outpost until the dog’s head splits open and a giant man-eating flower bursts through its chest and starts eating the other dogs;

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